@NikiWithIssues: Going commando is the closest I'll ever get to joining the army.
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@andylevy: "Guess I'll turn on the news to see what the government is up to" - The President of the United States
@krissywillbretz: [god creating raccoons] Angel: what do I do with all the leftover tiny people hands? God: hand me those cats.
@juliussharpe: Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don't want to look at you.
@hyperblastchic: Me: Gouda would pair nicely with this merlot! Priest: This is communion... M: Oh. Gouda would taste well with the blood of Chr- P: Leave.