@JKickinit30: Going out for chupacabras is not as fun as it may sound. Just because it sounds like mexican food doesn’t mean that it actually is.
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@ericsshadow: Every year my wife buys me Christmas gifts I didn't ask for. Why would I need this many books about foreplay?
@hardlyrelevant: (in dog boss' office) "Smith, you're fired." Fine. I guess I'll just WALK out... (boss' tail starts wagging) "Wait Smith get back here"
@sofarrsogud: ME: This is false advertising. I've been here an hour and nobody has even touched me. So lonely. COP: Again, not what a holding cell is for
@AbbyHasIssues: You can always count on me to bring my famous recipe of "bag of ice" to your summer cookout.