@JohnLyonTweets: *offers chair for $25 at garage sale; no takers* *glues old gears and cogs to chair* *sells "steampunk sitting contraption” on eBay for $800*

@constantlyjosh: A confessional booth but the pastor just complains to you about the last guy.

@Concertina81: I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.

@SlipCarefully: Forgot my phone and had to write my tweets on paper and pass 'em around at the meeting. nnDidn't get any stars. nGot RT'd to HR.

@Real_Dick_Head: When you wave your hand under automatic soap dispenser for 45 seconds and nothing, then it dispenses the minute you switch to the next one.