@Rich_McCarthy: Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
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@grimpossible: If you fall down in public the best thing to do is stay down, use your fingernails to dig your way to another country then start a new life.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: Why does Mom wear makeup? Me: To look pretty. 5: But she's already pretty. Me: Aww. 5: Dad, you should wear makeup.
@briancthayer: *discretely picks a booger* *slyly wipes it on her blouse* Funeral Director: Sir, we can see you and narrating it just makes it worse.
@undeadmolly: Not usually a big fan of God, but I have admit telling Cruz to run for president then making him lose to a reality TV clown was an A+ prank.