@maebemarbles: Going to a baby shower and I'm real nervous, do they just kind of pour down on you? If you catch one do you have to keep it?
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@jakefromstfarm3: If you are farther than me in candy crush I will automatically think you are smarter than me.
@iwearaonesie: So important your wife knows you're petting the dog when she hears you say "you're getting a little chunky"
@HatfieldAnne: Him: Watch your language at dinner tonight. Me: So you want less Tarantino... H: ...and more Seuss. M: Gotcha. No swearing. Lots of rhyming.