@DrawingShadows: Going to a bar within walking distance of my house reduces the likelihood that I will wake up partially clothed behind a dumpster tomorrow.
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@MaryannSaintM: Stop asking me to vote for your kid in contests. I'm too nice of a person to tell you I'm surprised you got laid in the first place.
@KevinBuffalo: I don't wanna get too political here, but I plan on voting for whichever candidate will do something about Meghan Trainor.
@TEXASVETERAN: I sing like Sinatra and have the brain of Einstein. I think that's why girls call me Frankenstein.
@RickAaron: In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.