@DrawingShadows: Going to a bar within walking distance of my house reduces the likelihood that I will wake up partially clothed behind a dumpster tomorrow.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: People who say losing weight is "just math" clearly have no idea how far out of my way I go to avoid math.
@AnkCoupleTO: Bartender: A shot of whiskey can cleanse the soul Me: *thinks back to the time I "experimented" in college* I'll take 27 bottles please
@LMLMadness: Sleeping Beauty is my favorite story about how any sweet princess will activate her fire breathing dragon if you wake her up from a nap.
@3sunzzz: Waiter: May I take your order? Yes, roll over and play dead! Waiter: It's not that kind of order. Oh. Sorry. I'll have the cheese sticks.