@qwertying: "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."
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@slyoung5: Good news: He told me I was his penguin. Bad news: Penguins only have sex once a year.
@JCautomatic: [Dentist's] Me: *lying back with mouth full of cotton wool* Dentist: So what do you do? Equipment trolley 3ft away: I'm a ventriloquist
@pleatedjeans: [job interview for garbageman] interviewer: I like your enthusiasm, you're hired Three raccoons in trench coat: [ecstatic chittering]