@djdarrellripley: Going to church doesn't necessarily make you a nice person... It does, however, make you sleepy.
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@Brentweets: "Hi doc!" "Hi! What is that behind your ear?" "Nice try, too old for the coin trick" "No it's a tumor" "Oh my god" "Kidding it's a quarter"
@markedly: BANK: Someone made fraudulent charges w/ ur debit card ME: How'd you know it wasn't me B: They entered the PIN correctly 1st try M: Dear god
@NurseMurderer: I want to put hot dogs on my fingers so I have extra long, floppy, hot dog fingers.