@GoddessTitty: Going to get a facial today... this guy on Craigslist is offering a way lower price than the salon!
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@bridger_w: When a cop asks if you know why they pulled you over, smile, take their hand in yours and say, "Sounds like somebody needed a friend"
@HeyZeus666: I lost a very dear friend and drinking buddy in a tragic accident this weekend. He got his finger caught in a wedding band.
@TheTobbie: My mind: "Today was a productive day." My body: "Please don't drink 11 cups of coffee again."...