@Brentweets: Going to open a Vietnamese restaurant and name it Viet Nom Nom Nom.
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@brendohare: By the end of their life, everyone will have appeared in at least two Fast & Furious movies
@dadofbieber: Daughter 1: Dad, I'm lesbian. Daughter 2: Me too dad. Dad: Doesn't anyone like guys here? Son: I do?.
@MrIceMachine: Happy imagery of the day: A mouse dressed as a pirate sits on your shoulder while you work and pretends to steer you holding a potato-chip.
@jwoodham: The year is 2087. Selfies are the new currency now and that annoying girl you went to high school with is the richest person in the world.