@shkeeber: Going to war is the only way Americans can learn geography.
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@BillPelicanBros: Cop: You were speeding so I'm going to be giving you a ticket Me: Ooh, could I win something Cop: Sort of, 2 more of these & you get a bike
@simoncholland: Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
@cervixsmash: Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family