@1Happytwit: Gold fish don't like being pulled out of their tank for a cuddle.
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@BeardedRambles: Relationship status: Fumbled with a key for 5 mins trying to get it to fit into the lock the right way. And I kinda moaned when it slid in.
@mcclure111: Ernest Hemingway buys a pair of shoes mail order, but accidentally orders in a baby's size. He tries to sell them, but no one understands
@TheAlexNevil: If there's a hardship greater than putting cheese on a cracker and having it break before it gets into your mouth I've not heard of it.