@1Happytwit: Gold fish don't like being pulled out of their tank for a cuddle.
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@LilFlaOrange30: That moment when you're driving and tweeting and you look up and notice you're in the Atlantic Ocean.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Someone in the office keeps making decaf coffee & I've narrowed it down to that guy who never gets anything done.
@ohen39: [first day as a restaurant owner] *woman walks in with a dog* me: sorry no dogs allowed- her: really? me: -to leave her: what? me: no dogs allowed to leave her: but- me: *already petting dog* he's mine now
@bridger_w: My greatest fear about not having children is that I might miss out on certain life experiences, such as getting caught in a bitter custody battle