@bazecraze: Goldfish are the only pets with the decency to die just as the novelty wears off.
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@EricGoldie: You're right, homeless man on the subway...it is a "clip your toenails into your McDonald's cup" kind of morning.
@TheToddWilliams: [candy store] ME: I'd like to return this Tic Tac. CLERK: It looks partially eaten. ME: It's still in... CLERK: Don't ME: ...mint condition.
@GrantTanaka: 2016: Sanders wins presidency 2017: Marijuana legalized in all 50 states 20$x: lol what were we talking about