@causticbob: goldfish mafia
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@Dutch_50: The Carpenters: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Me: Those aren't birds. They're giant blood sucking mosquitos.
@KevinFarzad: Remember when we spent an entire year learning cursive? That's why the other countries are winning.
@rose24_em: If a guy spread rose petals all over my apartment, I would literally look at him and just be like: "I'm not picking this up."