@TheCatWhisprer: Golf is probably fun if you like walking around outside in business casual.
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@Brianhopecomedy: *wife stares at me* *I stare at her* *she frowns* *I smile* "You didn't notice my new-" "NICE HAIRCUT AND GLASSES." "Dress."
@Dishy2101: Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
@humanwarnings: The next time I hang out with people who start making out in front of me, I'm going to start flossing my teeth in front of them.
@Reverend_Scott: Batman: Use this spotlight to call me. Robin: What if it's daytime? Batman: *glares at Robin* Gordon: Yeah, what if it- Batman: *smoke bomb*