@weinerdog4life: Golf Tip: Be sure and yell "FORE" before throwing your golf club at a jogger.
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@dulcetry: [me, to my brother] I can't believe we've never been to Coachella [my Ukrainian grandfather] when I your age, bear eat my wife
@Briidashian: Why do I have to use leaves as toilet paper when I go camping while we have bears out there using Charmin?
@CoolCamel69: Son, I found some drugs in your backpack "Dad I swear they're not mine" DAMMIT SUSAN, THEY ARENT HIS. 1st time we were proud and you blew it