@tiffanygraceful: Gonna buy an old beat up car for the sole purpose of rear ending the hell outta people I let over and don't get the thank you wave.
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@VodkaShorebird: The Dalai Lama and Gandhi aren't the same? I thought they were basically Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana. I feel like people are messing with me.
@Ristolable: If I had a time machine I'd take 17 dollars to 1901 and buy several luxurious homes. Related: does anyone have a time machine and 17 dollars
@oxygenplug: "we're out of bread" "ciabatta be kidding!" [waiter takes out gun] "make another bread pun and ur toast, pal... shit" [i take out my gun]
@VancityReynolds: Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.