@kevinseccia: Gonna pay my grandma $100 to slip "Syrian Refugee 1 and 2" onto the Thanksgiving seating chart to piss off my uncles.
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@djdarrellripley: Her: I dreamt I was being murdered. Me: Was I the one who was murdering you? Her: No. Me: (Sigh) Well, was I helping in any way at all?
@turbomanatee: I didn't know when your wedding was because you spelled out the date and time like a goddamn medieval sorcerer.
@ambamthankyamam: Apparently my hub is a 92 yr old trapped in a younger body. He just referred to you guys as my Pinstagram friends.