@kevinseccia: Gonna pay my grandma $100 to slip "Syrian Refugee 1 and 2" onto the Thanksgiving seating chart to piss off my uncles.
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@iamchrisscott: A good comeback when someone doesn't believe you're a time traveler is "Yeah well nobody cried at your funeral."
@Fred_Delicious: "HONEY, ITS THE BANK. SOMEBODY USED YOUR CARD TO BUY A HUMAN HAMSTER WHEEL??" Me [from basement, out of breath] "what"
@Sarcasticsapien: I want to create a show called "Deja Vu" simply for the "Previously on Deja Vu".