@JackieluvsUK: Gonna start feeding my dog condoms, so when she poops they're already in tiny little bags!
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@bighandsmassuer: If you send her a message and she doesn't reply in six months she is probably thinking about it
@KeetPotato: me: "£4,000 for a beehive?" salesman: "sir, there are 8,000 bees in there, that's only 50p each" me: [checking my wallet] "give me 3 bees"
@Spaziotwat: [On The Cross] Jesus:"Father, forgive them, fore they know no-" Voice from the crowd:"DO THE WINE TRICK"