@AmishPornStar1: Gonna trade in my wife's menstrual cycle for a really cool mountain bike.
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@internetluke: GOD: welcome to Heaven I will answer any question you want now. ME: why does Target have 25 checkout lanes with only 2 always open? GOD: ...
@skylerhanrath: If you want a medical degree, they're literally hanging on doctor's walls. Grab one.
@PastorBate: Dear diary, Sometimes it just seems like I can't tell if something is an inanimate object or a person My therapist: Yes that's quite clear
@HomeProbably: It's almost as if they don't know the first rule of carrying rolls of wrapping paper club is; always be prepared for a sword fight, officer.