@AmishPornStar1: Gonna trade in my wife's menstrual cycle for a really cool mountain bike.
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@pleatedjeans: [couple tossing baby back and forth] [music stops] judge: custody granted dad: [holding baby] AW DAMMIT
@markleggett: I only watch "Game of Thrones" because I'm trying catch a background extra wearing a wristwatch.
@FrenulumBreve: [Man in restaurant] I'll have that lobster please. *points to aquarium containing lobster putting finishing touches to his octopus disguise*