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@i_eat_fruit: GOOD COP: cover me!
DAD COP: *tucks him in* snug as a bug
@AbbyHasIssues: Despite evidence to the contrary, I still maintain typing louder and harder will magically make my incorrect password correct.
@SortaBad: No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
@Token_Geezer: There's a special place in he'll for autocorrect
@Sassafrantz: Becky on FB is "too blessed to be stressed" so I told her that I slept with her boyfriend.
@BadAssB48546279: Headed to police station to go through mugshots for a date tonight. I don't trust ChristianMingle.