@WouldbeAllen: Midwife: It's a boy, ma'am. Mrs Dickens: Edward. Edward's a nice name, isn't it, dear? Dickens: LET'S CALL HIM OPPROBRIOUS FRILLYBOCKER

@KatieBurnett: Do people who happily announce their pregnancy know they are going to be stuck with a baby afterwards?

@corinnemlwsw: I just had my tubes tied, and now I'm........inconceivable.

@julieklausner: I like the word funfetti because it takes confetti, which is used in somber occasions, like funerals, and it repurposes it for fun

@Playing_Dad: I put the tomatos and the ketchup right next to each other in my refrigerator just so all the food knows I have no mercy