@VerifiedJayy: Good friends are hard to find. Especially if they stabbed me in the back. In fact you won't find them officer. Stop looking
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@dysalexia: Next time you're on a date and someone asks "Is that your boyfriend or your brother?" smile really creepy and whisper "Both".
@MarkAgee: If I win Powerball, I'm having at least six of you killed. Four of you know who you are. I think the other two will be very surprised.
@nPhelendriqal: A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
@SwoonTwang: I don't have tinted windows on my car because if people don't like watching me dance, they can tint their own goddamn windows.