@VerifiedJayy: Good friends are hard to find. Especially if they stabbed me in the back. In fact you won't find them officer. Stop looking
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@Aman93deep: My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped.
@dukelongboard: When I was 13 my dad gave me a bunch of socks n said "I heard u grunting in ur room last night, do it into these" So now I poop into socks
@LoveNLunchmeat: Some peanut butter M&M's just rolled under the fridge, and now I understand every sad love song ever written.