@Be___Dope: Knuckle tats: (I)(M)(H)(U)(N)(G)(R)(Y)

@TheSharona06: At the grocery store, buying 6 of the same item Cashier: Are these good? Me: No. I'm buying all of them just to save others from suffering

@Whitnuts: My liver's so black, it went to a respected college, got a great job, and made it's family very proud. Weren't expecting that, huh? Racist.

@tomipuff: I wish cartoons would have prepared me for working and doing taxes instead of, like, quicksand

@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What are you doing?! 5-year-old: Hugging my sister. Me: Hugs don't start with a flying tackle. 5: Me: 5: The good ones do.