@shkeeber: GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! DID YOU KNOW THAT FROSTED FLAKES DON'T TASTE HALF BAD WITH RED BULL INSTEAD OF MILK? I THINK I'LL RUN TO WORK TODAY!
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@heatherlou_: I was looking at my phone and tripped over the dog and we're both laying in the floor looking at my phone.
@GaryJanetti: I don't know why Russia is so homophobic. Most of the women there look like men anyway.
@Dr_awfulpants: [Water cooler] -Looks like you had a wild weekend! How'd you get the scratches? *flash back to me bathing my cat* -Uh, this chick bro. Yeah.