@chrissyteigen: good morning
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@mattytalks: I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
@notalogin: Romantic cop: Here, I brought you a flower. Competitive about everything cop: Big deal. I brought you a flowest.
@Playing_Dad: "POLICE, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP." Show me a badge. *cop gets badge out* I didn't say Simon Says. "Let's go home guys. Sorry, my fault."