@Cyd10e: Good News: You mean the world to me.
Bad News: The world is pretty lousy right now.
@Tmoney68: All my scars & bruises tell a story.
The story of a guy who falls down A LOT when he's drunk.
@TheMichaelRock: A bee just landed on my cheek and didn't sting me. I think we're dating now.
@peterjames48: We got a notice at work that a coyote had been spotted on the fitness trail, and I was, like, "Good for him."
@radtoria: Cute guy: Can I pet your dog?
Me: (several blocks later) I have soft hair too. :(
@lecalabara: Every chair is a reclining chair when you're drunk.