@Cyd10e: Good News: You mean the world to me.
Bad News: The world is pretty lousy right now.
*walks up to give eulogy*
*pulls notes out of pocket*
"Frank was a weirdo that bit his toenails."
*sits back down*
@AnOrangeSNES: I'm like Pac-Man because I travel in the dark to Dippin' Dots stands to eat them, all while getting chased by members of the Ku Klux Klan.
@maughammom: Me: "Want a banana?"
3yo: "Yes, but don't cut it up. And don't peel it. And don't make it be a banana. Make it be a waffle."
@knot_eye: [sees woman reading]
"Gone With The Wind? Great book! I love how the *clenches fist* tornado takes Dorothy & Toto to the Land Of Oz."
@mstluvstrinkets: The look on my husbands face while watching a Victoria's Secret commercial tells me exactly where all my catalogs went.