@pixelatedboat: Good news, you survived the horrific car crash. Sadly we couldn't find the other guy's arms but we managed to reattach all four of yours
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@Darlainky: Dear Santa, Please send gift cards. Your taste has gotten significantly worse in recent years.
@GeorgeScumbag: Remember ladies. It goes from Twitter to Kik to Voxer to cell phone number to address to being dismembered in a motel bathtub.