@pixelatedboat: Good news, you survived the horrific car crash. Sadly we couldn't find the other guy's arms but we managed to reattach all four of yours
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@bouncingblonde: Just made jerk off motions at a group of construction guys. They just stood there staring at each other like "now what?"...all talk eh boys?
@inanimatecorpse: Wife: I said any fantasy, I wore the police uniform! Isn't that enough? Me: Say the words Wife: Ok... sir, I have bad news about your wife
@JessObsess: You really only have 2 options: 1. You can be miserable bc you're fat 2. You can be miserable bc you're hungry