@OneFunnyMummy: Good things come to those who don’t make mommy lose her shit.
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@DangerouslyJoe9: A girl once asked if she wanted me to play Doctor. I said sure and made her wait in 2 different rooms for 45 minutes. Humor stops for no one Samantha
@NurseSeymour: Waitress: need anything else? Me: yes, a cup of black coffee. W: and how would u like your coffee? M: uhhh..black and in a cup?
@Shen_the_Bird: judge: what do you have to say for yourself scooby-doo villain: i was legally startling trespassers on my own private property and was wrongfully arrested and imprisoned by a group of high teenagers judge: oh damn
@einaregilsson: MC HAMMER: U can't touch this! ... U can't touch this! MASSAGE THERAPIST: Please just let me do my job Mr. Hammer! MC HAMMER: U can't tou...