@Sassafrantz: Goodnight Moon. Goodnight crazy guy in my tree with binoculars.
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@truegritrumble: ME: I'm allergic to suggestions. FRIEND: You should get that checked out. ME: *swelling up like a balloon* You're not the boss of me.
@AverageClo: Why do people say "To be frank..." when they're about to be brutally honest? WHAT IF FRANK LIED!? WHAT IF I WANT TO BE MARLENE!?
@DanMentos: Fun Prank: put a live turtle and a tiny pair of nunchucks in your toilet before your guests arrive