@briangaar: Goodnight moon. Goodnight stars. Goodnight 4,000-year-old Earth. Goodnight dinosaur fossils that were put here to test our faith.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Home_Halfway: I once went to a party with 10% battery life on my phone so you can shut the hell up about your "scary" battle at Normandy, grandpa.
@QwertyJones3: [First date] Ok, don't let her know you're a pharmacist Her: Can you pass the salt? "Sure, it'll be ready in two hours."
@Slims_Ramblings: "Hey look, there's a deer frolicking in the woods over there!" Deer: What the hell did you say I was doing?