@jazmasta: Goodnight moon, goodnight stars. Goodnight weird guy who walks past my house on crutches every night. Goodnight house on crutches.
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@MarieColette: Get a hair cut, run away without paying. They can't chase you because they're holding scissors. The perfect crime.
@Dong_Hanger: Oh you can bench 50 kilograms? I literally don't know if that's 100 pounds or a billion.
@LaBaPete: Not everyone understands my laundry method. It's simple. If it's clean, it's on the floor. If it's dirty, it's on the floor over there.
@mrtruthandsoul: "I think I stepped in some upchuck" What's up, Chuck? "Not much, but my name's not Chuck" *vomits*