@ibid78: "Goodnight moon."
*Moon takes out one earbud*
"No, Pepsi is not ok."
@trevso_electric: You are like snow. White. Pretty to look at. I used to like to play with you but now I'll pay someone to get rid of you.
@dreadnaught69: *at a restaurant*
Don't be awkward, don't be awkward
Waitress: how's the food?
@XplodingUnicorn: God: I made something new. It's like a tornado, but smaller.
Angel: What do you call it?
God: A toddler.
@Bad_Ass_Trucker: Me: Did you hear that?
Her: Go check it out
Me: Are You Crazy? They always kill the good looking people first
Her: You'll be alright
@Parentpains: And I thought I had issues. - Me, 36 seconds after signing up on twitter.