@ibid78: "Goodnight moon."
*Moon takes out one earbud*
"No, Pepsi is not ok."
@AHMalcolm: Conan: Texas recently had 9 earthquakes in a day. But don’t worry: Scientists are hard at work figuring out exactly what God was angry about
@SequelsWeWant: Pet Cemetery 3:
People get tired of resurrecting pets and relatives.
Somebody buries dinosaur bones.
Jurassic Park ensues.
@BuckyIsotope: *pregnant wife wakes up*
I think my water broke
*I hide the Kool-Aid packet and water jug I spilled in bed*
Let’s go to the hospital
@urmumsausername: I saw a TV for sale for only £1 because the volume button was stuck
Did I buy it?
Of course I did!
Well, I couldn't turn it down
@mactx85: Exercise makes you look better naked. But so does whiskey, it's your choice.