@lawblob: Goodnight Moon, you albino m&m looking space-pebble garbage piece of shit
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@KalvinMacleod: [funeral] ME: I never know what to say at these things. WIDOW: sorry for your loss. ME: it's ok, I'm sure I'll think of something.
@benerdist: A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
@SamuelMoen: When I die, my only wish is for my corpse to be respectfully catapulted onto a whitewater raft of people going down the Colorado river