@lawblob: Goodnight Moon, you albino m&m looking space-pebble garbage piece of shit
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@kelkulus: My go-to office prank is to sneak onto someone's unattended Facebook page and post "I'm undecided, which should I get, iPhone or Android?"
@Dani_Feld: Relationship status: I shout "PIZZA'S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn't think I'm eating two pizzas by myself.
@seamussaid: I bring my own pen into the bank because I don't need any god dammed chains telling me where I can and cannot write