@jess_stratton: Google. Filling the gaps in public education.
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@primawesome: Coworker who supports Trump: Big weekend plans? Me: Huge. My weekend plans are so big you won't believe it. No one has bigger weekend plans.
@hippieswordfish: everyone's always asking me 'is your son named after the movie?' and I'm like no idiot Sharknado's 5 yrs old and the movie came out in 2013
@Buttija: Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it just becomes a soap opera.