@Dr_Dweezil: google glass is going to revolutionize the way america walks into oncoming traffic
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@NoTheOtherJohn: ME: judging by this blood stain the murderer appears to have been a turkey ACTUAL POLICE OFFICER: That's a hand print
@Blondiethegood: I just threw away all the toilet paper in the office so this day is about to get interesting.
@drinksmcgee: Someone just told me that they hate bacon... I can't even find words... It's like someone just murdered a rainbow.
@leshnevsky: - Michelle, we must break up... - Oh, I'll kill myself! - That's a nice bonus. Thank you!