@Dr_Dweezil: google glass is going to revolutionize the way america walks into oncoming traffic
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@truegritrumble: PRIEST: Is there any reason these two shouldn't be wed? ME: *from the back* SHE HOLDS ONTO CHECKS FOR MONTHS & THEN CASHES THEM UNEXPECTEDLY
@tastefactory: *picks up bug, puts it outside* There ya go. *later, bug smashes thru door carrying gun* You should have killed me when you had the chance
@samthe8th: When I go to the movies alone, I take a clipboard so everyone thinks I'm a professional movie reviewer and not an awkward friendless loner.
@jonnysun: wat abot when ther was only 1 set of footprints "thats when i carried u" wat abot when the fotprints went in the ocean "i tried to drown u"