@Dr_Dweezil: google glass is going to revolutionize the way america walks into oncoming traffic
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@leechee420: Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
@TrainedHedonist: Perverts have made it so you can't even park your makeshift surveillance van conspicuously outside girls' college diving team meets anymore.
@shadygrenade: Magician: an ordinary deck of cards right? Guy in front row: that's a ham. Magician: [whispers to assistant] get eagle eyes out of here.