@SortaBad: Google isn't much help if you can't think of the word 'zebra'
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@jonnysun: joel is coming over "eerily quiet joel or joel who alwayes forgets about social events?" [4 hours of silence] i.... i dont kno
@LittleMissZesty: Conversations with my pets: Me: Please could you Dog: OF COURSE! Me: I haven't said what it Dog: I LOVE YOU! Me: Please could you Cat: No.
@badbanana: "And to my son Ronald, I leave my entire collection of mint-condition, never-been-opened LinkedIn Updates emails."
@FunnyCauseImFat: My wife fell asleep during American Idol, so I got up like a fat ninja and turned hockey on. Then, I whispered to myself "I run this house"