@heatherlou_: Google just alerted me to light traffic in my area which is odd because I'm in the bathtub.
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@Brampersandon_: FLIGHT ATTENDANT: sir calm down ME (having panic attack): sorry I've never flown before PILOT (over intercom): dont worry neither have I lol
@crunchenhancer: I judge the strength of the economy based on what type of candy people hand out on Halloween.
@topaz_kell: The field sobriety test was going ok until I grabbed two traffic cones and did a Madonna impersonation.
@shawnspree: My condolences for you and your family through this difficult transition is why my wife won't let me send back wedding RSVP cards.