@i_wasnt_looking: Google needs a "you really don't want to know" search answer.
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@NatePhilbrick: If other jobs got the same response as writing: -You're a fireman? Have you put out any famous fires? -You're a lifeguard? Can I be a victim in your next rescue? -You're a physicist? I have a few universe theories myself! -You're a chef? I'd do food too, but I never have time.
@djdarrellripley: Her: I just saw my parents having sex on the couch. Me: Please tell me that's a drink...
@007Pepe_Rex: Relationship status: I ran out of toilet paper a week ago. Update: I am now running out of paper towels.