@i_wasnt_looking: Google needs a "you really don't want to know" search answer.
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@HallpassCanada: The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn't seem to be having the desired affect.
@cwhudson: BARTENDER: okay man, here's your appletini MAN: [upset] this isn't what i ordered BARTENDER: i'm sorry? MAN: why isn't it a tiny apple