@librarianfonz: Google won't replace librarians. The internet is like giving someone a fire hose when all they asked for was a glass of water.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: How was your first day of school? 5-year-old: Long. Me: I'm sure tomorrow will be better. 5-year-old: Wait, I have to go back?
@QwertyJones3: Sir, I see that you spelled "résumé" with the correct accent marks. Unfortunately you're just too fancy to work here at Popeye's Chicken.
@jujuhounds: Girl: Saying hot is disrespectful. You should say 'beautiful' instead. Me: Ok. Me: Can you please pass the beautiful sauce?