@rantingmd: googling ways to dispose of a body,mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
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@SamGrittner: When a woman asks me how long I can last in bed I tell her it depends on how long someone brings me food and water but probably years.
@edgarrants: My wife used to make meals that would make Martha Stewart jealous. Then she joined Twitter... Now I'm lucky if she buys cereal.
@Parker_Simpson: We're probably like 10 years away from ppl running for president strictly for more Twitter followers