@TheFakeCNN: GOP threatens to shutdown government unless Obama changes color of skin.
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@mamamia6212: My 2 yo is currently having the biggest tantrum I've ever seen! He's mad I will not let him open & eat the box of candy* he found. *tampons
@novicefather: *writes employment history on arm *writes professional references on thigh *writes email address on neck *adds "resume" to resume
@tastefactory: I left a trail of rose petals leading to the bed and on the bed was a note that said "This is what happens to roses who cross me"