@JessicaNorthey: Got a call saying my son got caught lying, cheating & was being expelled. I don't have a son. That kid is one damn good liar
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DannyZuker: My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don't really like any of them.
@ojedge: Mobster: [tying a cinder block to my ankles] "You're gonna be sleeping with the fishes…" Me: "Umm, it's 'fish'." M: "This. This is why."
@birbigs: Twitter action film: MAN 1: Follow me. MAN 2: On Twitter? MAN 1: No. Physically, follow me. Or you'll be killed. MAN 2: On Twitter?
@bea_ker:  Dad, Mum, this is my girlfriend. You might recognise her, she used to be quite famous *the laugh-cry emoji steps forward shyly*