@JessicaNorthey: Got a call saying my son got caught lying, cheating & was being expelled. I don't have a son. That kid is one damn good liar
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@SSparklesDaily: Cats won't give away your position when someone knocks on the door. They hide with you, like understanding furry ninjas.
@noog: Just heard a little boy call his mom "mother," as if both had already accepted the fact that he'd become a serial killer some day.
@squirrel74wkgn: *knocks on bathroom stall wall* Forgive me father, for I have sinned. "Huh? What?" It's been 3 days since my last- [sound of diarrhea]