@Mr_Kapowski: Got a case for my iPhone even though the screen is already cracked. So basically it's like putting a condom on my kid's head.
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@scorpicpanda: Me: "OMG, my abs are so sore!" 12: (sarcastically) "What abs?" Me: "The abs hiding under this protective layer of you're grounded."
@MichaelaOkla: I realize I’m struggling with this phase of my life but in my defense I wasn’t planning on living this long
@Brianhopecomedy: "Oh, we're going for a 30 second car ride? OK, let me gather all of my worldly possessions and get a little naked." - my 2 year old
@MatCro: [meeting] DIRECTOR: I want amazing CGI PRODUCER: Yes! D: A huge cast P: Agreed! D: Realistic family photos P: We don't have the budget