@Mr_Kapowski: Got a case for my iPhone even though the screen is already cracked. So basically it's like putting a condom on my kid's head.
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@comer310: How to Get a Girlfriend: Out at Sea Me: *rocks boat* Her: Hey! Me: *rocks faster* Her: Can we PLEASE go steady? Me: I do.
@GrantTanaka: please don't invite me to your wedding unless you're registered at arby's
@AudreyPorne: an attractive man on the internet called me pretty, so I sent him my finger nails in the mail. i'm so nervous lol what if he doesn't reply??
@Corncleats: *flexing arms* I'd like you to meet my two good friends, Sledge and- "Hammer?" Holy shit that's way cooler.. I was gonna say Sledge 2
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