@Leemanish: Got a couple of real nice piles of dog shit on your lawn there. Sure would be a shame if something was to... you know, "happen" to them.
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@Rollmaninoz: Caesar: friends, Romans countryman lend me your ear... [2 days later] *Caesar opens mailbox* "oh FFS Van Gogh IT'S A SAYING!!!!!'
@SufficientCharm: I was doing well on my diet until I got my period and had to eat four pieces of pizza, a block of cheese, two candy bars, and seven houses.
@GrantTanaka: If a cop yells at you to GET DOWN just start twerking cause damn, dude, be more specific
@AaronFullerton: "Today's special is a grilled Chilean sea bass with white wine reduction. We recommend Instagramming it with the 1977 or Apollo filters..."