@myonlymizztake: Got a hot new neighbor, I finally have something to look at with my night vision goggles besides raccoons.
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@Shock_Monster: Nurse: It's just a little prick.. Me: That's what my gf said! N: Ha M: Haha N: HAHA M: HAHAHA! N: You don't have a gf, do you? M: No.
@AmishPornStar1: "Awwww, that is so sweet! I think you're outstanding too!" me, to the collection agency
@hippieswordfish: *swallows pride* *reads the label* 'this pride may contain nuts* oh no *swells with pride*