@myonlymizztake: Got a hot new neighbor, I finally have something to look at with my night vision goggles besides raccoons.
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@DumbConfessions: Had sex in a kiddie pool full of jam once. *pops jean jacket collar* I got marmalaid.
@lecalabara: Wanna know the secret to a good marriage? Sleep. Cant do anything wrong while sleeping. Unless you talk in your sleep, then youre dead.
@krautsider: If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You're welcome.
@space0tter: Date *pulls out clipboard* "Name?" "Uh.. Beth." "Ok.. Check. Kids?" "No" "Check. Club Penguin username?" "What's that?" *drops clipboard*