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@LeahTiscione: Got a tattoo of my mom telling me not to get a tattoo
@topaz_kell: Making a phone call that goes straight to voicemail releases dopamine.
@QwertyJones3: People who don't understand sarcasm are awesome.
@BitterOldPunk: ATTENTION ALABAMA RESIDENTS: tonight's penumbral lunar eclipse is perfectly natural. The moon is undamaged. Gay people are not stealing it.
@LoveNLunchmeat: If you're a cannibal, it's technically hunting, not murder.
@FillWerrell: Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:30pm.