@tsm560: Got an extension cord, and moved the microwave right into bed with me. This 2015 is looking like a good one already.
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@KarenKilgariff: Watch The Walking Dead with someone who's super into it so every time a zombie appears you can pull the old, "Wait, who's this now?"
@kharizzmaaa: Happy Mother's Day to the woman who told me "I could fall out at home" when I asked for Fall Out Boy tickets at age 14
@neiltyson: Exterminators: The only profession in which you put yourself out of business by being really good at your job.
@notalogin: Almost every branch of science has a pseudoscience associated with it: chemistry and alchemy, astronomy and astrology, math and economics...