@zachreinert03: Got asked to be godfather of my niece, so if anything happens to her parents then someone else has to take care of her because I said no
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@Fred_Delicious: BREAKING: Pot calls kettle "black". "Racial tension at boiling point" says mayor of kitchen cupboard
@_NTFG_: DOCTOR: Are you sexually active? ME: Depends on what you mean by active. There are plenty of active volcanos that haven't gone off in years
@SteveSuckington: "Tell me where the money is or else I kill the girl" -just to be clear, if I don't tell you she dies but I get to live right?
@gamecox93: Now that I have an adult coloring book, most arguments with my 3 yr old are over fridge space.