@ScottLinnen: Got bucked off my high horse. Now I only have contusions of grandeur.
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@runawaycupcake: If I had known what cleaning a toilet is like with a husband and two sons I would've become a lesbian.
@NicestHippo: [job interview] You sure you know what it means to be a real estate developer? [i picture myself yelling at a building to try harder] Yes
@Mr_Kapowski: *watching a scary movie* 7 y/o daughter: They're just people in masks, right Dad? *blankets pulled over my head* "Sure, if you say so"