@ScottLinnen: Got bucked off my high horse. Now I only have contusions of grandeur.
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@WilliamRodgers: The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it... I'm gonna miss that baby...
@Amburglar_: I teach curse words and racial slurs to children whose parents allow them to run around restaurants.
@weinerdog4life: I've been putting my sunglasses on and walking away from things in slow motion all day, nothing has exploded yet.
@mstern68: Please don't be curly Please don't be curly Please don't be curly I pray to myself as I pull a hair from my mouth while eating Chinese food