@ScottLinnen: Got bucked off my high horse. Now I only have contusions of grandeur.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You ate all the cookies and your sister got none. What does that tell you? 4-year-old: I won.
@bombsydoll: What is WRONG with you??? Me: *slowly counting on fingers* let's see... ok... carry the 1... um... That would be everything
@Playing_Dad: [3am] *nudges wife* No way the old guy blew up all those balloons in Up in 1 night. Honey, you awake? I mean he's like a million years old.
@LoveNLunchmeat: If a tiger goes to bite you, confuse him by french kissing him. You'll probably still die, but at least you got to make out w/ a tiger.