@seanscrap: Got busted for shoplifting once in Canada and had to deal with their whole irritating Good Cop/Great Cop routine.
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@fletchworld73: So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I'm pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
@HorryPuttor: deer diary: day 67 at hugwerts skool uv wezirdry nd none uv teh studints hav noticd dat my wahnd is an slim jim.
@Dirty_Naomi: 2 Jehovah's witnesses knocked earlier, so I invited them in. I gave 1 the hoover & 1 a mop. If they can do Gods work, they can do mine.
@jimmytorosian: [commercial] Narrator: These are real people and not actors- Actor watching the commercial: *throws lamp at TV* WE'RE PEOPLE TOO!